At first, the two concepts of ‘detachment’ and ‘relationship’ seem to be incompatible. A tantra teacher who touches on this topic will usually hear questions like: “How can one be detached in a relationship? Won’t detachment in a relationship completely ruin everything?”
But we’re not discussing typical relationships, and we’re not discussing typical detachment either. Spiritual detachment is the removal of hindering ties to the material world and all that it represents in order to glimpse and connect with the Divine. The Divine has nothing in common with the material world, which is, after all, our own creation. The Divine, on the other hand, has created Life itself.
A tantra relationship is also not a ‘normal’ relationship. It is based on divine precepts: the ancient tantra teachings passed down by a tantra master. In a human relationship based on divine precepts, the material world must take a backseat. It cannot be completely defeated: no tantra teacher will demand such a feat from his students. But it must decrease, or else there can be no spiritual progress in the relationship.
When two people embark on the spiritual path of tantra, they make a new commitment. Their commitment now extends beyond what they have done to each other: it now extends to the Divine as well. They vow to base their love for each other on spiritual principles. They vow to open their hearts, souls, and bodies to an experience of love far greater than they have ever known.
The fruit of the spiritual path of tantric love is not easy. At every turn, people who undergo couples tantra instruction encounter the discomfort of having to let go of their previous preconceptions about love. They learn that, in fact, they should not devote themselves so much to each other as to the tantric path.
Initially, this seems to go against most modern norms for relationship models such as marriage. The fact is that it doesn’t. Every religion requires that two people getting married promise before God that they will value each other in God’s eyes. God must be the constant witness of his faithfulness, mutual dedication and efforts to meet the needs of others. In a way, a love triangle is formed, with God as the third partner. They are not alone.
In tantric love, the tantric path requires the couple to focus on their spiritual teachings. They must stop looking only at themselves, each other and the love they feel for each other. They learn to see each other as instruments of a higher cosmic order. Your emotional and spiritual needs must certainly be met, but now they must be met in the context of this path.
That is why detachment is necessary for tantric love to flourish. Do not be afraid, you will not have to abandon each other. In fact, they are going to discover each other for the first time. Trust your tantra teacher and listen carefully as he passes on this ancient knowledge to you. When you learn to love one another with spiritual detachment and your focus on a higher purpose, love will overflow and soar to the heavens.