Most people treat dating and relationships as a sport, a fun hobby, or a cheap toy that you play with when you get bored, and then put it aside when you’re done. But this “casual style” of dating is impossible for an emotionally stable person. Let me tell you why! When you kiss, hold hands, or have sex, intense amounts of hormones – dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin – flood the brain. These hormones make us feel intense bursts of pleasure, reduce anxiety, and help us feel emotionally attached to each other. These hormones exist in nature to stimulate reproduction and keep families together. When we break down, we go through a physical withdrawal from these hormones because our brain no longer receives those hormones.
During a breakup, your brain frantically signals you to return to that source of pleasure sending you jolts of anxiety and sometimes even physical pain. If you get back together, the hormones return, the feeling of extreme panic disappears, and relaxation returns. In fact, getting back together can be an exciting time like when you first met, your dopamine levels will skyrocket! However, this does not mean that the relationship is fixed. The rush and excitement of getting back together will wear off after a while, and the problems that caused the breakup will eventually begin to resurface. If these issues are not addressed, another breakout is likely to occur within one to six months.
Relationships can be wonderful. Dating can be a great thrill! It’s wonderful to have a partner to share your ups and downs with. But they are not a game. The emotional, financial and physical health of people is at stake. It is a huge responsibility. People in love marriages tend to live 5-10 years longer than single people. However, those who experience a divorce or major breakup are 3 to 6 times more likely to commit suicide and twice as likely to file for bankruptcy. The notion of “love can heal, but love can kill” is certainly true in this perspective.
So before you join a dating app, before you ask that girl for her number, before you decide to have sex for the first time, before you decide to cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend … ask yourself some questions.
1. Am I prepared for the consequences of my actions?
2. Am I emotionally ready for a committed relationship?
3. Can my current actions destroy my life or someone else’s?
4. Am I ready to let go of the freedom of being single?
5. Am I aware of the benefits of being in a committed relationship or am I just trying to have fun right now?
6. Am I aware of the potential challenges of having a committed relationship?
7. Am I emotionally equipped to handle a breakup?
And most important …
“Do I really know what I want?”
Knowing what you want is key! If you are 100% sure you just want sex, don’t lie and say you want marriage to get it. If you only like tall guys, don’t date a short guy just because you’re lonely and he’s available (* until you can meet a tall guy). These are all horrible strategies that will only lead you to humiliate yourself. you and your partner.
If you’re willing to step out of your way and give someone a try, go for it! But, as always, take it easy and be honest about how you feel. Once you have sex, kiss, or start exchanging physical intimacies, you will make things that much more complicated. The moral of the story is: “Don’t eat something until you know what it is, or you may end up eating something poisonous!”
Relationships and sex can be very exciting and fun, but that intense feeling of “high” only lasts between 6 months and a year at best. A real relationship is not just passionate sex and traveling together, it also involves disagreements, occasional arguments, and communication skills.
Not everyone is programmed to be in a traditional monogamous relationship. Some have only been with one person their entire life. Others smoke. Some love tattoos, others think they are “garbage”. Neither of these preferences is “wrong,” but in order to bond effectively and create harmonious relationships with other human beings, we must communicate our desires in a way that mutually dictates the direction of a relationship, whether it leans toward a commitment to for life, like marriage. , a chance meeting or a mutual separation.
All options have consequences: pros and cons!
Casual encounters can be physically pleasurable and convenient, but they leave you at risk for illness and emotionally dissatisfied with the sexual act.
Marriage can create strong alliances and feelings of security, but it can be time and energy consuming.
Breakups can be liberating and allow you to go on new adventures, but they can be emotionally devastating and financially costly.
Dating, marriage, and breakups are games of strategy and require a balanced combination of flexibility, a positive attitude, planning, and an open mind.
As a man in my thirties, I have been on the side of all wraiths. I have been faithful, unfaithful, I have broken and they have abandoned me. I have felt it all. When I enter my thirties and find myself still single, I have made a strict commitment to myself that I will …
A. Respect myself in all matters.
B. I respect my partner in all matters.
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C. Require a plan of action when issuing forgiveness.
D. Take responsibility when I act foolish and be willing to comply with demands to ensure that it is not repeated.
F. When I go out with someone, I keep my individuality but always aware that I am part of a “team”. Adopt a team mindset. It is not me AGAINST you, but US against the problem.
G. Maintain an open and honest dialogue. Things are not resolved if both parties are not listened to. Put everything on the table and try to compromise if you can’t get 100% of what you want. Meet in the middle.
H. Work on the healing of past scars. Childhood tramau, addictions, sexual deviations, distrust of others – try to fix them before entering a relationship. If you’re dealing with any of this while in a relationship, don’t hide it from your partner, ask for their help, and get over it together. Remember, it is America against the problem, not me against you.
Hope this guide has helped you. Hopefully, by following these rules, you will be able to refrain from hurting yourself and others, repair a broken relationship, or learn to accept a failed one and stop repeating the same behaviors in your next relationship.
No matter what stage of life you are in, single, in a relationship, happily married, divorced, or struggling in a failed relationship, just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are other people who are as happy as you or as sad as you at any given moment. There are more than 7 billion people on Earth! Your feelings, no matter how good or bad they are, always have merit. Depending on the sentiment, we may need additional advice or help, but wanting to change for the better or being grateful for what you already have are two strong indicators of a bright future ahead.
Good luck! And remember what the Bible says in the book of Matthew.
“Those who do not know love do not know God, because God is love.”