Where do the loud people get off? They tend to venture through life completely uninhibited, totally free of responsibility for their boisterous behavior. They completely lack socially conscious skills, and if you’re unfortunate enough to be around these sorts of people, the effect is embarrassing even as a bystander. It’s even worse if you have a friend or colleague displaying this type of behavior. However, this is how many teenagers find their way in the world.
I was in a coffee shop recently, reading, reflecting, and generally minding my own business; I find it a great way to relax and be creative again, if creativity runs out. Now, coffee shops are pretty noisy places at best that I’ve come across, with coffee machines and lots of customers happily churning out a symphony of ‘harmonizing’ decibels together. But what stood out to me that particular day, above all the noise, was a group of four young people at the table next to mine – they were having a great time! They talked much louder than at any other table, which was occasionally spurred on by fits of uncontrollable laughter, and their bragging of their drinking achievements was equally shared for all to hear. And no performance like this would be complete without the occasional cuss word: there’s no doubt that his was a “complete performance.” It was obvious that they were putting on a show for each other and for the rest of the bosses and staff.
At one point I recognized that I was no longer “minding my own business.” Being a writer, I discreetly took the pen I had been using and wrote some key words to remember the experience, because it made me think. It was a golden opportunity to observe the group human behavior of young people who had not yet discovered the art (or the desire) to contain their egos.
As the meeting progressed, one of the girls said, words to the effect, “Why did I get fired (for profanity) pushing carts? Why didn’t they recognize my ‘good’ performance (16-25) carts?” This was a fleeting, momentary comment because as soon as she said it (which stung my ears!), the group was on another topic of discussion that had nothing to do with it. I got to thinking about this after leaving the cafeteria. Apparently, this young lady did not understand that no matter how good her actual performance is from doing the job was that if you couldn’t relate to people, your tenure with that employer was always going to be very limited. She just wasn’t going to last. “Foul language” is, of course, a cultural norm. Some work environments thrive with it, others don’t. Certainly pushing trolleys in a supermarket falls under the realm of ‘working with the public’ and rampant profanity just doesn’t fit the job description.
It raises a question: Aside from the display of bravado, and seeing her comment in that context, why wasn’t the young woman aware of the social dilemmas she was getting herself into? Had no one taught her some social graces?
It’s all too easy to start thinking of these kids as recalcitrant. On the surface they appear to be, and by definition, yes. Maybe they are different alone, but how often are they alone? It seems that at this age, social life is “it”. But can we really blame these kids entirely? I’m not sure we can. Too often I hear parents despair or criticize their growing or adult children for going off the rails of life, and I just think, “boomerang!” Ninety percent of the time it just highlights dysfunction that the parent in question can’t see, after all ‘they did a slim work’ in raising their children! It is not like this? Of course there are many parents who really do not see problems, but they are exasperated and are not in a position to bring about the required change in their son or daughter.
I think this young woman’s story highlights the value of teacher. Teachers in life provide the foundation for learning; academically, socially, developmentally, morally and spiritually. Teachers do not only exist in schools. They are also found in homes; in fact, a child’s most important teacher and influence, especially during their impressionable formative years, is the one or two they love most: the mother and father, or those who play these roles. This does not have to change as they mature, although they are exposed to a greater number of “teachers”.
The teachers are incredibly talented and loving people for the most part; investing in the future of others, leaving a legacy to the world that will exist long after they have perished. Good teachers always push us hard enough to learn what can be painful. during but always rewarding afterwards. We often don’t appreciate the extra pressure and attention at the time, but it’s there; firm, firm, supportive; don’t push. When we have achieved an important goal in life, how often do we turn around to recognize the one who guided us and taught us… “However, those who reach heights stand on the shoulders of those who taught them,” says Paul Koptak[1] of those of us who strive to achieve it and in the end we achieved it. A person playing the teacher probably helped us get there. Teaching in this way is inspiring, it is the best gift you can give your children: solid, firm but fair teaching. Furthermore, there is often no recognition of how unrewarding teaching can be. “It takes strength, interest, and a love of learning to stay in a teaching career.”[2]
Parents have a role as teachers. The good teacher-father knows it and pays attention to it; the parent who thinks only teachers teach is starkly unaware of this all-important life truth, and is headed for his son’s or daughter’s ruin.
Some parents are simply not doing their children a favor by being tyrannical one minute and faint-hearted the next. You can tell how the children will turn out. There are no safe limits for these children to base their behavior on. How can they know what is right and what is wrong?
Also, the adult parent who is not a teacher behaves more in his “child state” because he has never matured or weaned himself properly; there is little hope for the children of parents like this, unless there is someone else willing to step in. and guide them in life. Most likely, these children will attract the wrong kinds of mentors and friends and will never learn their way of life. The cycle continues. It is obvious where the proverbial fools of society come from. They come from these kinds of rebellious homes that lack the core value of teaching.
Based on the above, how appreciative are we of our “firm but fair” teachers? Who are they? Where are you now? Have you asked a question like, “Do I have an opportunity right now to give you the loving response that you have been such a positive influence in my life?” Am I thankful for them? They gave me a lot, and they continue to give it.
© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved worldwide.
[1] PE Koptak, NIV Application Commentary: Proverbs (Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2003), p. 310.
[2] Nancy J. Girard, AORN Journal, September 2005, available at: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0FSL/is_3_82/ai_n15648882