If you are on the brink of divorce and have nowhere to turn, know that there is always hope. One of the most common ways to destroy a marriage is not communicating well with your partner. Some people find words really hard to find, while others yell and swear as a way of not having to show their true emotions. If you follow these 10 guaranteed ways to save a marriage, it won’t end in divorce.
1. If you have been constantly arguing with your husband and feel like your marriage is dying, the best thing you can do is lead the way and stop the raised voices and hostile attitude. If one of you does this, then there is no one left to argue with. In some marriages, this type of behavior can go on for years. Each partner desperately tries to get on top of the other to deal as much pain and damage as possible. Although outsiders often see that this married couple has a lot of nonsense, the fact is that this kind of quarrel will kill the passion of love and mutual respect. So I know the one to stop. This will have the effect of calming things down and giving both of you a chance to first catch your breath and then start thinking about what’s going on.
2. So what’s going on? The discussion may have started over something very simple, such as what color car you wanted to buy. If you both have strong personalities, this may have been the starting flag for a fierce interaction whenever a decision needed to be made. If you have been able to restore a sense of peace in the house, it is time to try to find your way back. Your arguing pattern can stop just as quickly as it started if you know how to do it. Since you think you are the one who stops arguing, now you can be the olive branch and calmly try to talk to the man you still love. It’s ironic that some couples find it easier to argue with each other instead of getting to the heart of the matter. Tell your husband that you love him and that you want the fights to stop. You want to smile again and feel happy. Tell him this fight is breaking your heart and wearing you down.
3. If you’ve followed these 10 Guaranteed Ways to Save a Marriage, you’ll probably feel weird for a while; in fact, the silence in your home can be deafening. Don’t fall back into the old pattern. If the fight starts, leave the room and don’t come back until it calms down again. Never stay and fight, you know where he leads. Just take that time to calm down. With no one to argue with peace it must resume.
4. It will take some time before the fighting subsides, but if you refuse to be tempted, you will succeed. Now that both of you have been established, the real work can begin. It would be nice to set up a romantic scene where the two of you could be together for a while. You don’t need to speak at first; in fact, you probably won’t say anything for the first time. Places where you don’t need much conversation at this stage are good. It is too early to address serious issues as it can lead to fighting.
5. When an unhealthy behavior pattern has been around for some time, relapse is sure to occur. Like an alcoholic who stops drinking to get sober, something can trigger the old way of thinking and the drinker goes back to drinking. After years of arguing, becoming calm and rational may not be as relapse-free as the alcoholic. Don’t worry about these slip-ups, as they are bound to happen. You are learning to communicate in a very different way.
6. It’s time for the real conversation to begin. Both will be nervous, as this will be new. Since you’ve gotten the upper hand so far, you may need to get things rolling. This is where the blame game could start. You need to be careful with your approach as it could lead to more conflicts. What they should talk about is their feelings for each other. Do you still love your husband and he loves you? Couples who communicate negatively often really love each other, they just haven’t learned to really share their feelings and dreams. This can come from an abusive father or a nagging mother who sets the pattern for her children to follow. If there are children in your marriage, you are setting the stage for another repeat performance. How many generations will have to suffer before someone puts up the stop sign. You owe it to your children to change their thinking pattern now before their lives are ruined by troubled relationships when they are older. This can create our future abusers. It is reversing the behavior and starting a healthy and caring behavior. You need to find out what it is that makes you both fight. It can come from insecurity, a lack of self-esteem, or even jealousy. Get what you are both feeling and talk about ways you can work on these areas. Accept the role you may have played in making your partner feel this way. If possible, a marriage counselor could be of great help here, as they are experts in the techniques that will change the old thinking. You need to learn better ways to debate among yourselves. It is a fact that all people discuss, but it is the degree of how far they take it before it gets out of hand. If violence comes into play, then you have a big problem to deal with. Whoever the victim is will have to leave the house as their safety could be in jeopardy. The abuser will need individual therapy before any type of relationship can be resumed.
7. If you have followed these guidelines, your marriage should be in better shape. Just remember when you back off, don’t beat yourself up, just stop and cool down. The family home may come as a surprise to their neighbors who are used to fighting. You may notice that you both seem much happier and less stressed as well. They can spend time together without fear of an argument, and when they disagree, they know it won’t escalate.
8. Improve your appearance like you did when you went out. You’ll feel like you’re starting over, so a new wardrobe or hairstyle will help with your confidence. You want to bring the romance and have fun together because up until now it’s been a battleground of pain. You will notice that you feel lighter, not weighed down, happier to be in the marriage as it goes through its change. You and your husband could go dancing or just spend time getting to know each other without all the drama. If you’ve followed these 10 Best Ways to Save a Marriage, yours will be that much better, and you just might fall in love again.
9. If you know you’re both prone to a quick flare-up, you could learn the art of meditation or even join a gym. Any kind of activity that takes away your stress and keeps you calm. Breathing exercises are recommended for this as they put you in touch with your body and the stress you feel. If you start to feel tense, stop and just listen. Take deep breaths from your diaphragm and close your eyes. You will feel your breathing slow down and you will begin to feel relaxed. Find ways to dispel any angry feelings you may have.
10. If you have come this far, I congratulate you. You have brought your troubled marriage from the brink of divorce to a relationship where you both love and respect each other. Now you need to keep it. Arguing continuously isn’t just bad behavior, it’s like an addiction. Your blood pressure may rise as your body tenses up, then the adrenaline starts pumping and you’re ready to fight. You get used to how your body feels and almost become addicted to it. It’s like a flight response much like the one cavemen felt when the dinosaur was chasing them. Living in this mode will give you strokes and stress-related illnesses. It’s just a case of a husband or wife taking the first step to change. Follow these 10 guaranteed ways to save a marriage and you won’t have to file for divorce.