It’s probably the worst piece of news you’ll ever get in your adult life: ‘Sorry, man, but your wife is cheating on you.’ Betrayal is a highly destructive force because it not only destroys your respect for the person who violated your trust, it also erodes your self-esteem. And now your wife has cheated on you. Now what? What should you do? Here, we present the ways you can effectively handle a cheating wife and still keep her dignity intact:
Consider her innocent until proven guilty.
If you suspect that your wife is cheating on you, find out if this is really true. Remember that relationships are dynamic and tend to change over time. Even you have probably changed. Your wife may also be experiencing some personal changes that may or may not constitute cheating.
Don’t try to categorize it.
If your wife is cheating on you, avoid tagging her with an adjective preceded by a swear word… although that can’t be helped. You have been terribly hurt and in situations like this, it will be very difficult to think straight.
However, it will add fuel to the fire if he starts insulting her. Remember that the situation is already very volatile, and if you’re not careful, it could escalate into something that you or she can’t handle effectively.
Discuss the topic like adults.
If you’re still not sure about the matter, ask him nicely about his recent behavior. Let them know that you are aware of the changes and that you want to know what is happening. Mention situations in which you felt that he has hidden something from you or seemed too distant.
As much as possible, don’t start a shouting match. In the first place, it will be difficult to hear what each of you is really saying over the din of pent up emotions, and you may say things you will later regret.
Encourage her to be honest. If he answers your questions, listen. You may finally understand why this is happening in your marriage. Be honest with her too and tell her how hurt you are. If you must take a break from each other, go ahead and try to calm things down before making your decisions.
Do you face her?
What if you catch your wife cheating on you, what do you do? That really depends on the situation. If he caught her in the act, would he risk physically hurting her, the man (or woman) she’s with, or doing something that would land him in jail? If you have children, that would even complicate the situation. In your anger and confusion, you could do something that will embarrass you and haunt you for the rest of your life and probably isn’t worth it.
A better idea would be to talk to her and tell her what you know. If you must ask her why, then go ahead, but be prepared for her answers. It is very likely that she will not like what she will hear.
The consequences
Probably the biggest concern you will have once you have proven that your wife is cheating on you would be the state of your marriage. Will you be able to forgive her for what she did? Is leaving the marriage the solution to her problems? If he decides to take her back, would he be willing to accept the consequences? Could he honestly say that he can handle her marriage from there? More importantly, will he be able to stay true to you?
If you have a cheating wife, carefully weigh all the options you have. Consider your future and the lives of your children as well. Best of all, take care. After all, this is just one unfortunate event in your life and it shouldn’t be the end of it.