Ever since the break up you have been wishing and hoping for a sign from the universe suggesting that your ex boyfriend wants you back, right? It’s understandable. You still love him and feel like the break up was a mistake. Unfortunately, your ex seems to have moved on without giving much thought to what you would like. But now you’ve heard of his friend. It can’t just be an innocent gesture, right? The friend must have been sent to check on you by your ex. At least that’s what your broken heart is trying to tell you. Sadly, I am here to tell you something very different. The fact that a friend of your ex has contacted you means very little in the big picture. In fact, don’t be surprised to learn that his ex had absolutely nothing to do with it.
When a breakup happens, it affects everyone in the emotional neighborhood. Not only are you and your boyfriend forced to deal with the emotions that accompany the end of a relationship, but your friends and family have to learn to deal with it as well. When someone we love goes through a breakup, we must not only watch in pain, but we must also face the reality that their partner will no longer be a regular part of our lives. That may be what’s going on with your ex-boyfriend’s friend. He or she has finally realized that you are no longer part of the inner circle and they miss you. The fact that he’s getting closer to you may well be his way of forging a new friendship that doesn’t include your ex.
Another reason a friend of an ex often shows up unexpectedly is that they are looking to get something back that belonged to the ex. In other words, your ex boyfriend may have sent his friend on a mission to retrieve something of yours that you have in his possession. You can usually remove this motivation fairly quickly if the friend jumps from asking how you are to asking how they can get the item in question back for your ex. Be careful not to be offended by this. If the roles were reversed and your ex had something significant that belonged to you, you can ask someone to look for it too. It’s important not to take any of your frustrations over the break up on the friend who may be no more than an innocent bystander trying to help someone they love.
Obviously, if you’re counting on a renewed relationship with your ex at some point, you hope that the reason your friend contacted you was to do some undercover work to see where you are emotionally and if you’ve started dating again. Don’t make the mistake of jumping to the conclusion that this is what they are doing if they ask if you have a new guy in your life. Again, this may just be a normal human curiosity. It’s much better to moderate what you share with your friend for now until you have a clearer idea of what he really wants from you.
If you determine that they are seeking information on behalf of your ex-boyfriend, be careful how much you share. If your ex went to the trouble of sending someone to gather information for him, he is very interested in getting back together. Get him to squirm a bit by keeping your emotions close and sharing only small parts of what’s going on. That way, the friend will let your ex know that he’s not really sure what you’re doing and that curiosity will definitely pique your boyfriend’s interest.
I want to stress how important it is to take an emotional step back from all of this before you put too much emotional energy into the idea of getting back together with your ex. When we want something, sometimes we see things that don’t really exist. Be honest with yourself about why your ex boyfriend’s friend came into your life. Take some time to figure out his motivations and if he really just wants to be his friend, with no hidden agenda, consider accepting that. We can never have too many friends and you never know if this new friendship might help ease the pain of the break up so that you can finally move on with your life as a happier and more emotionally balanced woman.